Sleep and Hope

I just feel like I’m really really overwhelming, especially when it comes to interacting with people I like.  When I like a person or group of people, I tend to want to talk to them much more than a normal person would want to talk to another person.  Also, I am sure to remember lots of quirks and facts and things about people I like.  Like, a whole lot of quirks and facts and odds and ends.  It’s not that I have no life or anything (said the girl to the blog) it’s just that I have an incredulous love of people and love knowing things about them.  I don’t want to come across as bothersome or overbearing…but…I just really love interacting with people— some particularly more than others.

Blah.

And I hate having to hold back.

• I’m leaning towards a major in language arts—encompassing literature, theatre, journalism, and the like. Apparently you can do that!
• Grandmother is buying me a macbook for graduation, which is great since my parents are not. (Helloooo, NYC)
• There is a boy. He is witty and attractive and many other things. I am smitten.
• I won first runner-up in a pageant on Saturday, with a good friend of mine taking the crown. :)
• I’m getting a new puppy within the next two or three weeks! Her name will be Elphie!
• I’ve been reading the role of Iago in Othello, so that’s fun.
• One of my favorite church friends is back at church now that the spectacular musical she was in is over.
• I saw said spectacular musical 3 1/2 times. So quality.
• Graduation is in a month and two days. Whaaaaaat?

I have been so excited for this summer. Here were the plans: I was supposed to be going to Baja on a mission trip that is very near and dear to my heart, and I was supposed to be going to Bonnaroo.

Baja is super dangerous right now, and no matter how much I try to sway them, my parents do no want me to go.  There was a possibility I wouldn’t have been able to go anyway due to age restrictions.

Two of my friends bailed on Bonnaroo, which would leave me with just one friend, and my parents would not have that.

SO. I am now going to…Drum roll please…

New York City! For the first time ever!

I’m incredibly thrilled.

Seussical will be over soon, and my Bible study girls are wanting for me to start it back up.  I’m so thankful for their desire! The problem is I feel horribly inadequate to help anyone further in their walk because I have been struggling so much lately.

I’m so self-centered.  I haven’t dug into the Word lately. I do not display the characteristics of love spelled out in 1 Corinthians.  I gossip.

What is wrong with me, and why is this happening?

I tremble in fear when I remember James 3:1.

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.

I know God is disappointed in my falls and shortcomings.  I don’t want my mistakes to be a poor reflection on Him, especially to my Bible study girls.  It’s not that I expect them to find me perfect or that I want them to think of me as a God-figure.  I just don’t want to turn them off from Him because He deserves ALL praise and love.

Pray for me.  Encourage me.  Hold me accountable.

To do my Honors College app or to not…

Why would I?  It’s all about ACT score.  No, really.  I’m not kidding.

Why waste my precious time? 

Oh well. 

At UA, no Honors College.

At WKU, Honors College.

Hmmm. Does my admittance make a difference on my decision?

• Read Matthew and Proverbs (Maybe some Romans?)
• Read the Death of Ivan Illych
• Apply for scholarships
• Do pilates
• Make my bird girl costume
• Run
• Do my Honors college app for UA and WKU
• Print out my Bible reading plan and monthly photography challenge
• Make a video for my friend’s MLB Fan Cave submission
• Play guitar
• Learn my part in “Amazing Gertrude”
• Possibly buy new moccasins or moccasin boots

Guys, I’m in a super weird state.

I cannot really explain it.  I think I have been in it before, but I’m not sure how I came out of it.

It’s not what one would classify as a “bad” state.  It’s just not the right(eous) one for me to be in.

Part of my problem is that I keep justifying myself.

Love you all.